How to get along with others for some people seem to be very easy. How is that possible when there are so many kinds of personalities? When we’re born our first interactions are usually around the immediate family unit. If the parents structure the childhood relationship with nurturing and discipline there’s a good chance of normal growth. However, there are no guarantees of success with this approach. By nature most people strive for the acceptance of others and fear their rejection as well.
During what are called the formative years some children are lavished with favoritism due to physical beauty or personal talents. Some children are held to standards much higher than their ability to achieve. Some are constantly insulted, bullied, and abused. While others are ignored as if they don’t exist.
It’s been said “We all got issues”. So how to get along with others for some people can be very hard. Clearly a mental illness can factor into how a person acts or reacts. Being in the presence of another person can cause some people to become paranoid and withdraw. Another type of person won’t interact verbally but will acknowledge others with a smile or a nod. There’s also the person who talks, and talks, yet never listens. Then there’s the type of person who doesn’t like you for no known reason no matter what.
One of the greatest experiments to test the ability to get along with others is when a child enters the school system. By their peers they will be judged by their looks, their dress, their weight, and even how they speak. At this time depending on prior experiences many will easily adapt to this new environment and excel. However, for others this will begin the worst formative time of their lives. And of this group some will become severely depressed which can lead to and include suicide. Without learning how to get along with others mass killings and murder can result as a way of acting out the pain of fear and rejection.
In the family unit alliances are formed between the siblings and even parent & sibling relationships against each other. The terms “daddies little girl” or “mamas boy” are a couple of examples. Sibling alliances form along age placement, hair or eye color, psychical size, and even music or favorite foods. Usually once these alliances are formed it is almost impossible to sever or change the dynamics them. The family unit alliances are the first place one learns how to get along with others.
Each of us have personal characteristics that make us who we are. Whether we are generous or selfish, introverted or extroverted, passive or aggressive, its clear we are not all the same. These characteristics are the sum of what is called the “life experience”. So its no wonder that two people can experience the exact same thing and testify to two completely different realities. Is one of them wrong and one if them right? Are they both wrong? Are could they be both right? How to get along with others seem to be complicated, but is it?
Remember the “We all got issues” thing? Well its true, for instance why is their house so nice? Why did my mom have to die? Why am I so short? Why doesn’t anybody like me? Why was I born black? Why? Something else that is true is that we’re all different. We didn’t come from the same backgrounds culturally, financially, or physically. Even when we come from the same family there are drastic differences. To realize and understand this truth we get on the road to getting along with others. Accept that you are different and that’s what makes you unique. Accept that others are different too.
The greatest obstical to accepting the differences of others is fear. If I accept that other person’s differences what will my family and friends think of me? Will I be ostracized? When someone is different from you and you are willing move forward find something you have in common. Maybe you both put hot sauce on your ice cream. Maybe you live next door to each other. Maybe you love your kids the same way. Maybe you will find a new friend.
It’s not always necessary to become friends with someone who is different from you but the goal is to get along. Now that you have acknowledged the differences, found something in common, respect comes into play. Respect includes helping as a brother should help a brother. Be courteous and kind always greeting with a smile or a nod. You will be surprised to see how far a nod will go. And then you have established a mutual respect.
Something that happens when people who are different begin to respect each other is trust. There is no fear in trust. Trust will allow you to look at the other person as an equal. The rejection is gone! The selfishness and hatred is gone! The depression and low self-esteem is gone. When you trust someone you want to share with them and get to know who they are. This might be another avenue to become friends.
So how to get along with others? We have to first understand the best way to change for the better is change ourselves. Growing up we all said to ourselves if they only got to know me they would like me. We’re different, beautiful. not so beautiful, short, too tall, smart, unable to learn, quiet, talkaholics, pampered, abused, fat, too thin, rich, poor, too old, too young, straight, gay, Christian, Muslim. We’re all different and the best way to get along with others is to simply acknowledge the differences, find common interests, respect the person themself, allow trust to begin, and Love will follow. All we’ve always wanted is to be Loved and accepted. It’s not too much to want and its not too much to ask. Its not too much to strive for and its not too much to accomplish!