May 24, 2018

How to Get Along With Others

How to get along with others for some people seem to be very easy. How is that possible when there are so many kinds of personalities? When we’re born our first interactions are usually around the immediate family unit. If the parents structure the childhood relationship with nurturing and discipline there’s a good chance of normal growth. However, there are no guarantees of success with this approach. By nature most people strive for the acceptance of others and fear their rejection as well.

During what are called the formative years some children are lavished with favoritism due to physical beauty or personal talents. Some children are held to standards much higher than their ability to achieve. Some are constantly insulted, bullied, and abused. While others are ignored as if they don’t exist.

It’s been said “We all got issues”. So how to get along with others for some people can be very hard. Clearly a mental illness can factor into how a person acts or reacts. Being in the presence of another person can cause some people to become paranoid and withdraw. Another type of person won’t interact verbally but will acknowledge others with a smile or a nod. There’s also the person who talks, and talks, yet never listens. Then there’s the type of person who doesn’t like you for no known reason no matter what.

One of the greatest experiments to test the ability to get along with others is when a child enters the school system. By their peers they will be judged by their looks, their dress, their weight, and even how they speak. At this time depending on prior experiences many will easily adapt to this new environment and excel. However, for others this will begin the worst formative time of their lives. And of this group some will become severely depressed which can lead to and include suicide. Without learning how to get along with others mass killings and murder can result as a way of acting out the pain of fear and rejection.

In the family unit alliances are formed between the siblings and even parent & sibling relationships against each other. The terms “daddies little girl” or “mamas boy” are a couple of examples. Sibling alliances form along age placement, hair or eye color, psychical size, and even music or favorite foods. Usually once these alliances are formed it is almost impossible to sever or change the dynamics them. The family unit alliances are the first place one learns how to get along with others.

Each of us have personal characteristics that make us who we are. Whether we are generous or selfish, introverted or extroverted, passive or aggressive, its clear we are not all the same. These characteristics are the sum of what is called the “life experience”. So its no wonder that two people can experience the exact same thing and testify to two completely different realities. Is one of them wrong and one if them right? Are they both wrong? Are could they be both right? How to get along with others seem to be complicated, but is it?

Remember the “We all got issues” thing? Well its true, for instance why is their house so nice? Why did my mom have to die? Why am I so short? Why doesn’t anybody like me? Why was I born black? Why? Something else that is true is that we’re all different. We didn’t come from the same backgrounds culturally, financially, or physically. Even when we come from the same family there are drastic differences. To realize and understand this truth we get on the road to getting along with others. Accept that you are different and that’s what makes you unique. Accept that others are different too.

The greatest obstical to accepting the differences of others is fear. If I accept that other person’s differences what will my family and friends think of me? Will I be ostracized? When someone is different from you and you are willing move forward find something you have in common. Maybe you both put hot sauce on your ice cream. Maybe you live next door to each other. Maybe you love your kids the same way. Maybe you will find a new friend.

It’s not always necessary to become friends with someone who is different from you but the goal is to get along. Now that you have acknowledged the differences, found something in common, respect comes into play. Respect includes helping as a brother should help a brother. Be courteous and kind always greeting with a smile or a nod. You will be surprised to see how far a nod will go. And then you have established a mutual respect.

Something that happens when people who are different begin to respect each other is trust. There is no fear in trust. Trust will allow you to look at the other person as an equal. The rejection is gone! The selfishness and hatred is gone! The depression and low self-esteem is gone. When you trust someone you want to share with them and get to know who they are. This might be another avenue to become friends.

So how to get along with others? We have to first understand the best way to change for the better is change ourselves. Growing up we all said to ourselves if they only got to know me they would like me. We’re different, beautiful. not so beautiful, short, too tall, smart, unable to learn, quiet, talkaholics, pampered, abused, fat, too thin, rich, poor, too old, too young, straight, gay, Christian, Muslim. We’re all different and the best way to get along with others is to simply acknowledge the differences, find common interests, respect the person themself, allow trust to begin, and Love will follow. All we’ve always wanted is to be Loved and accepted. It’s not too much to want and its not too much to ask. Its not too much to strive for and its not too much to accomplish!

 

 

 

11 thoughts on “How to Get Along With Others

  1. Very perspective post. I came up in the 60’s when it was really hard to find that person inside you that could except the next person. For me, I was a school basketball star starting in the 7th grade so I had no problem with people being friendly to me.

    I did see others who did not have a great time with other people. I have seen some that were shy, paranoid, mean, and withdrawn. My nature was to befriend anybody I was in contact with. But just you writing this can make people aware of what people go through growing up. Maybe this can put some change in peoples hearts who are not already there.

  2. Hey there,

    Thanks for the article!

    I really appreciated your recommendation that trying to build trust with someone is a great way to get along. I may not personally enjoy every single personality I run across, but I can always work on being a trustworthy person and showing people that I can be trusted.

    As you mentioned the different people groups, one thing I’ve seen many times over is a lack of personal experience with someone from a particular people group. It’s easy to think poorly of a faceless group of people, but once you actually get to know one, it’s a lot harder to think about them the same way. And I don’t mean casual acquaintances, either, but really getting to understand someone’s life.

    That requires effort, and we aren’t always good at making efforts – especially efforts that make us uncomfortable. But I’ve seen it time and time again – the people who actually have experiences with someone from a people group think about them a lot differently than people who haven’t.

  3. This is truly an eye-opening post. I would’ve never thought that siblings form alliances, but when you think about it, this is really what happens! My siblings are much younger than me so I moved out before they even got older. My son and daughter also went into skill and adapted really quickly so I’m grateful they were so brave to do this. Thanks for everything in this article. I have learned a lot and I’ll be back for more.

  4. Hi,

    FEAR! One word = only a word. Denoting negative ‘feelings’. Primitive ‘feelings’ warning throw back to more uncivilized time. TV! Spouts fearful nightmares and stereotypes. FEAR. Just a word – only an idea. How we shed this ‘word’, this four letter poison from our minds.

    Do NOT think on things that conjure FearFul thoughts. That is all. Like anything we have learned in our lives, if we do not apply them, they will fade. Like a book you once knew well and you barely can recall. Same thing with Fear. It is a living waking nightmare such people have as they see ghouls and monsters imposed on their environment. Such things belong to a past where threat was or appeared very real. Yes, my time in school was a violent nightmare in an English school for being Irish. I have, since, never heard of one so violent as mine due to bullying. I can tell you one thing, it took years of mind training – from reading books and applications and I walked through nearly every philosophy and religion, and psych book there is out there, rid me of such poison.

    Now, I am just chilled and careful to remind myself, should fear try to reinstall itself inside me, that what I am seeing, inside my emotions or mind, is only an echo of the past. This is not real what you are feeling or thinking and so why would I want to invest insomething (fear) that seeks only to hurt me? Truth dispells fear and so the feeling leaves me and I am free to be peaceful.

    This post is about getting on with other cultures etc. Ultimately, it can also be a way to overcome fear stemming from any cause. Root of racism is definitely fear. But, people fear other things to. What I have written here can be applied to (not OVER COME, as this implies there is ‘SOMETHING’ to overcome – no – Fear does not EXIST without our attention feeding it into reality 🙂 within our minds thus projecting it forward as if this is how to get rid of it, but it only grows stronger) OVERLOOK – Now we see we no longer feed that which is NOT REAL (FEAR) and so you will find at the bottom of it the natural peace you were born with. Peace is our natural birth right – feed that instead!! NB = Great Post 🙂 .

  5. I totally agree with the recent article you wrote. People should treat each other the same. I grew up around all sorts of backgrounds, religious beliefs and other stuff and I treat everyone equally.

    Thanks for sharing!

  6. Kirk,
    I was raise as a military brat. We moved all the time when I was young. I went to a different school each year until 11 and 12 grades. This school had a lot of race problems, we had armed police in the halls when we changed classes. This did not keep people from hurting each other.
    I lived in several different countries, with several different cultures. Mideast, southeast Asia, pacific ocean island (Guam), and in 10 different states.
    There was not black and white when I grew up, even though I grew up in the turbulent 60’s. I did not realize there was a difference until I was older and people around me would talk mean about a group of people. I did not understand at the time why some people were like this.
    As an older adult, very old, I look at the world today and wonder why we just cannot get along.
    I teach my son that he should treat all people the same, no matter there background or color.
    John

  7. Great post. I can definitely relate. Sometimes it’s a real challenge to find common ground with others but it eventually happens once effort is made. Once there’s persistence and communication is 2 way, there’s hope!
    thanks for sharing.

  8. I think that the best way to accept others is to accept yourself, that you are unique, and because you are unique, everybody else is. Once you realize that, it would be easy for you to live by Confucius words: Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others done unto you. If there’s mutual respect, getting along is easier. Your article is very worth sharing for people who are confused about our differences. Thank you for this. Keep it up!

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